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Understanding the five love languages – The secret of love

Growing up, my family didn’t express love much, I mean, I know we loved/love each other but we just didn’t show it through affirmation, physical touch or receiving gifts. We did try spending quality time together. The one language of love we used was Acts of Service 🙂 It was a little twisted though since we helped each other out with the promise that the person that got helped would be the one to help next time. And we would remind each other, “Remember that I did the dishes for you yesterday, it’s your turn to do them today”. My brother would even write down what he did so he didn’t forget.

Fortunately this should not be the case when it comes to expressing our love for others. As couples, we should not serve one another in the hope of getting the favor returned. Instead, we should do so sacrificially with a joyful heart! Knowing that you’re not doing it for yourself but for the person you love. We tend to love others the way that we want to be loved, but the trick is to love others the way that they most feel loved.

Just like any other language, the love language is meant to be communicated from/by one person to another. Understanding the five love languages is key to mastering what your main love language is. The secret of Love is when you apply the love languages to your relationship. Before my husband and I got married, we read Gary Chapman’s book called, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts. It gave us an insight to what our love languages were. Honestly speaking, I didn’t know what in the world a Love Language was until a friend spoke to us about it.

You can find the book at the Amazon site below:

Let’s take a look at the love languages one by one:

Words of Affirmation

If this is your love language, then you feel loved when your spouse uses words of praise or compliments you. Your heart skips a beat when they say they love you or you’re the most beautiful creature they’ve ever seen.

This is my daily struggle right here. However, this doesn’t mean that we can’t learn to use words of affirmation, especially when/if this is your spouse’s love language. I’ve come to learn so much about this language through my husband. I was so bad at it that I didn’t know what to say when he first told me that I was beautiful. My response was,” Oh yeah”? Seriously, who says that! Or when a friend told me they loved my dress, “Oh, I got it real cheap at a thrift store”, I said. Today I’m learning how to say thank you or say something nice back.

Quality time

This is when you spent undivided attention with the person you love. Talking about important things and not so important things, it doesn’t matter, as long you’re talking and listening attentively to one another. It involves not staring at your phone or the TV. In today’s generation, there are so many distractions around us. And it’s easy to think that multi-tasking while you’re spending quality time with your spouse is okay when it’s not.

If this is your Spouse’s love language, ask them out on a date, switch off your phone and take the time to listen to her/him. I hope you have a great time together!

Acts of Service

This is me right here people, this is how I roll!! In some cases, I believe that one’s background/past determines their love language. This is true for me since acts of service is the one love language I got to see a lot while growing up. And throughout my adult years, this is the only love language I can do with my eyes closed.

It gives me an immense amount of joy when I get to serve others. I don’t think I can describe the feeling, it’s like drinking whole milk yogurt with fresh fruits inside! It just hits the spot!

I show my love through serving my husband, helping friends out with stuff they need to do, listening to them talk for hours about issues they’re having and trying to give advice where I can. In the same way, I feel loved when my husband helps me out with tasks, it makes my heart skip a beat and melt away, not literally of course, then I’d be dead and we don’t want that 🙂

If this is your Spouse’s love language, remember that little things will mean much. Even taking the trash out, helping out with the kids or cooking a meal for them. This will go a long way and make them feel loved.

Physical Touch

Many people interpret this love language as the desire for sex. While this is part of it, what your partner might crave the most is the casual touch like holding hands while walking, cuddling up on the couch while watching Stranger things, a light shoulder rub while your partner is working, a hug, a kiss on the cheek..the list is endless.

This is my husbands love language and probably the easiest unless while we’re in Africa 🙂 then everything changes and we have to do all these privately, it depends on which part of the country we’re in though. If we’re at the city then we’re okay and no one would give us a weird look 🙂 Physical touch brings about emotional closeness. Just a little touch will mean a lot to your spouse if this is their love language.

Receiving Gifts

Oh my, this is the least of my love languages, and my husband’s too. If this is your love language then you feel loved or show love through the giving and receiving of gifts. Valentine’s day must be your Christmas day! Wait, you get a gift during Christmas too. Well I guess Valentine’s day is early Christmas for you! I’m happy for you!

Some people might think of materialism when they look at this love language. Well, that’s not the case. The person giving the gift gets so much joy from it! It’s the perfect visual representation of love for their Spouse!

A word of advice, please write down all the anniversary dates, you won’t want to forget them 🙂

Kindly comment below and let us know what your love language is!

I enjoy Travelling, Pet sitting, Cooking and Writing about marriage related topics. Bringing joy to peoples' lives gives me great pleasure. Above all, I would be lost if I didn't have Jesus in my life! I'm excited about this site and will be adding new content regularly! If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to leave them in the comment box below or send me an email at and I will get back to you :-)

17 thoughts on “Understanding the five love languages – The secret of love”

  1. I really enjoyed reading this. I know I will be implementing things you mentions. We all need to feel loved and shouldn’t expect others to assume we love them. We need to show them. Thanks for information!

    1. Thanks Nicole, I’m glad you enjoyed reading it! You’re right, we shouldn’t assume people love us, we should show them every chance we get!

  2. So very true. Every time I have made an effort to understand someone’s love languages there has been an improvement in the relationship. It doesn’t take extra time, it more just allows us to focus our time where it is most important. Thanks for a great article and a great reminder.

  3. A great article! I like the acts of service part that’s me all over, I think it’s needed from both sides as it is a partnership and I think it helps you to be able to rely on your partner.
    Thanks for the post!

  4. such a lovely post. I really like the way you have explained these 5 love languages. They are for sure the key to a successful marriage. I think the most important one is spending quality time together. In today’s distracting world, spending quality time together is a blessing that strengthens couple relationships.
    Thanks for such a great article, it was very informative.
    And ya, like your picture in that laundry room 🙂

    1. Thank you Akbar, it does strengthen relationships indeed! I hope this article helped you figure out what your love language in case you didn’t know it yet.

  5. I think you hit the nail on the head. We could all benefit form applying this to our relationships. Thank you for breaking it all down. I feel like this is guide to a successful relationship. I will do my best to put it into practice in my own marriage.

    1. Thanks Hammer, I’m glad you will put it into practice! There are several resources out there that help people figure what their love languages are, if you don’t know what your love language is, it’ll be better to take the test together with your Spouse 🙂

  6. My love language is physical touch. My parents really helped foster it with a lot of hugs and kisses growing up. Even just holding my wife’s hand or when she scratches my back is the best thing ever. Thanks for your insights on this topic!

  7. Excellent reminders, right before the “love”day. If you saw my FB post yesterday, you’d notice how my husband showered love on me!

    1. Hey Mary Ann, I love watching Vic shower you with love all the time!! You two have an amazing love going on! The one thing I know keeps you two inseparable is the way you use humor everyday. I wrote an article on the importance of laughter in marriage. Laughing with your Spouse is the most beautiful thing ever!!

  8. This is a wonderful piece. I loved especially the physical touch part. Though not married myself, but I think it goes a long way just to know he /she thought of you from the other room and came to show it physically. Great post. Good job siz 🙂

    1. Glad you enjoyed it. What would you say your love language is? It doesn’t have to be for when you’re married. Generally how do you express your love for other or what acts of love make you feel loved by others?

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